和同學討論台灣的社會運動Discussing Taiwan's social movement with friends

我一定要先說，這些同學願意和我討論，真得很謝謝他們，撥出時間聽我說，回應我。
反服貿的事件剛發生時，我是帶著有些震驚的心裡去看這件事，因為我覺得學生霸占立法院，直接的感覺就是這件事很嚴重，所謂的這件事，同時包含服貿的內容，及學生的行為。
震驚的心態直到警察和學生發生衝突的那天才淪為非常難過和沮喪，我那時後的想法是，我不管誰對誰錯，拜託，不要讓人受傷。而且，我開始想，等我回去後，台灣是否會變成一個我非常不熟悉的地方呢，生平第一次因為想到"台灣"而哭。(那天對同學的胡言亂語我在前面的網誌也說了)
我和CEMUS的同學說這件事。
我開始看服貿在說什麼，在FB上，很多朋友都會放除了懶人包以外的東西，有公聽會的對話記錄，有老師分析服貿對移民的影響，有老師為世代之間的磨合作溝通，還有一些歌，有的時候，看累了，想煩了，聽聽歌也還可以，但要注意不要一直聽，不然會變得太情緒化。

昨天下午，我和同學討論，這次討論有一位美國人P，一位德國人P，和兩位比利時人，V和A，最後還有三位台灣人。
我在這次的討論理，慢慢學到，應該是說感覺到一些東西，當我問，我還是想去看鳥，看樹看花看草，但是又知道這件事，我其實覺得很難平衡，P告訴我，生命中仍有許多美好的事，不要用這麼單一的角度看人生，他說，一位在納粹集中營裡出來的人，仍願意擁抱生命帶來的美麗。我想，我還在這滾動的世界裡，尋找其中的平衡。
當我們討論去靜坐的學生的動機時，P說，在華爾街的抗議，當你問每一位抗議民眾，你為什麼會在這裡，其實並不是每一個人都知道他或她為什麼會在這裡，這讓我漸漸有一新的感覺，原本以為學運是很純潔的，但我開始用比較理性的角度去看學運，而不純粹是情緒的感受。即使真的到場的人， 也不一定都是有相同的願景。
當我們說到這件社會運動，應該要怎麼樣才能帶出實質的影響力時，其中一位台灣學生說，我們應該要把立法院還給那些議員，讓議會運作，並且應該用柔性的方法解決。他的觀點是，我們一直霸占議會，會不會也給議員們有理由不解決這件事。V問我們有沒有辦法和社運的領導人討論這件事，她說即使一開始你可能會被人家說不團結，但是如果你是有理的，那他們終究會發現。到這時候，我才發現，我應該不會去說，原因是我沒有這麼大的參與感，但我知道V是一位敢做敢言，做自己的人，這些在她相信的事上特別容易顯現。而我也一直很想有自己如此在乎的事，我會覺得那樣是全力在活。
另一位台灣同學問到歐洲的學生社會運動，V說她們已經很久沒有學生社會運動了，但是有位老師就問過她們，你們這些學生怎麼了，為什麼社會上有這麼多不公平，不正義的事，你們都不會抗議?我想也許，下一個世代的容貌確是現在的學生要去打造的，而學生是常被賦予為有希望的一群人。A說到法國的社會運動，那是因為種族，這段我其實沒有聽很懂，還有也說到烏克蘭，她們的情況，好像也可以和台灣的相對看。另一位同學提到歐洲學生抗議更改修課規定的事，一開始學生抗議的規模很大，霸占學校的建築，但是等到聖誕節過後，學生因為回家，力量沒辦法再聚起來，也就散了，我聽了後，在想台灣的學運會怎麼結束，最近是否正逢春假呢?
在開始討論的前幾天，我一直期待這場討論能給我一些答案，比如說國家應該如何發展，人應該怎麼面對社會問題，但在蒐集服貿資料的過程中，漸漸的，我感覺到，我要得不是一個問題然後一個答案，社會的發展，和我自己的人生，也不會是有一個特定的答案，我甚至有感覺，社會和人生的存在並不會是為了尋找答案。
最後，我想說，我對這次討論最感開心的事:我能和一群朋友說:)
I must say it at first: Thanks to those classmates spending their time with me, responding to me, and discussing with me.
At the beginning of the anti-trade agreement incidence, I was shocked to see it Because, at the first instinct, I think the fact that students occupying parliament and the trade agreement itself are a really serious thing.
This shocked attitude suddenly turned into sad and depressed as the conflict between police and students happened. At that time, my thought was that no matter who is right or wrong, please, let no more people get hurt. And I started to wonder that would Taiwan become a really unfamiliar place when I get back. The first time in my life, I cried because of thinking Taiwan. (I have said the nonsense talk I had with my classmates  before.)
I talked to students at CEMUS.
I started to read what the trade agreement is about. Many friends posted things other than lazy-people guide on FB. There are the records in meeting with public , the agreement's effect on immigrant analysed by the teacher, the communication done by a teacher to ease the conflict between different generations, and some songs too. Sometimes when I was  a little tired, because of reading or thinking, it is good to listen to a song. But don't listen to it for too long, or we can be too emotional.

At the afternoon of yesterday, I discussed it with my classmates. One is from the States, P. One is from German, P. Two are from Belgium, V and A. And the other three are from Taiwan.
I learned, or I should say I felt, something in this discussion. When I said it is hard to remain the balance with this thing happening while I still want to see birds, tress, flowers and grass. P told me life still has beautiful things. Don't look at it in a narrow sense. There was one person, who got out of the concentration camp, still wanted to embrace the beautiful things life gave, he said. I think I am still thinking about how to remain this balance in this forever-rolling world.
When we talked about the motivation of the students going sit-in protest, P said, when you asked everyone in the Wall Street protest, you would find out, actually, not everyone knew why he or she was there. This fact gave me a new idea of the student social movement. I though student social movement as a pure thing. But now I see it with a more rational way, instead of an emotional way. Even for people who are there, they may not all have the same view.
When we talked about how this social movement can actually bring out solid effect, one of the Taiwanese said we should give the parliament back to officers to let them work, and to solve it in a soft way. His point is we gave those officers excuse to say they cannot work in the parliament occupied by the students. V asked us is it possible to discuss this issue with the leader of the movement. At first, people may say you are not supporting, but if you have the reason, they will see the point at the end, she said. At this point, I started to realize, I has too little passion to really say it. Because I don't have so much feeling of participating. But I knew she is someone that dare to say and act. This is especially true when things she cares come. I hope I can find things meant so much for me too. It is like living with your full effort.
The other Taiwanese student asked about the student social movement in Europe. V said it has been quite  a long time since last movement. But one teacher has asked them "What's wrong with you? There are so many unfair and unjustified things in the society. Why don't you protest?" I think, maybe the appearance of the next generations is sculptured by students, and students are often being looked as hopeful. And A talked about the movement in France, it was about racial conflict. I didn't understand this part well. Ukraine was mentioned too. It seems like the incidence in Ukraine can take as a contrast to Taiwan's situation. Another student mentioned about students protesting the modified rules of taking courses. The protest was quite big, at first. They occupied the school building. But as the Christmas holiday ended, the student had no power to stick together again, as they had all went home for Christmas. After listening about this, I started to think, how Taiwan's student social movement will end. Isn't it the time for spring holiday?
Few days before the discussion, I was hoping that it can give me some answers. "How a country should develop?" "How people should live with social issue?", for example. But during the process of searching information about the trade agreement, gradually, I felt that what I want is not a question followed by an answer. The development of society and my life do not have a specific answer. I even have an idea that the existing of society and life is not aimed for seeking answers.
At last, I want to say the happiest thing in this discussion is that I have friends to talk to:)