有毯子的晚上The night with a blanket.

Vegan Monday

其實我也不認識你們
笑容卻串聯起一切

菜園旁的簡陋野餐桌
擺滿了豐盛的食物

我帶了1/4個西瓜
我幸福的吃著野菜派，沙拉，和好多巧克粒蛋糕

然後你們輕聲的談話
有時候我聽不懂
但你們的氣息
讓我覺得不是在千里之外

夜幕降臨
我們拉起了毯子
彼此依偎
音樂響起

是葬禮的音樂
但是卻讓人心定
好像死一回，聽這音樂，也不是什麼哭得唏哩嘩啦的事
就好像我會離開你們
離開瑞典
不捨之中
笑容不減
因為我們有溫暖的力量
串連
就像這條毯子
Actually, I don't know you.
But smiles connect everything together.

The crude picnic table sat beside the vegetable garden.
A rich amount of food was laid on it.

I bought one forth of watermelon.
I ate wild-vegetable pie, salad, and a lot of chocolate cake, with happiness.

And you talked gently.
Sometimes I didn't understand.
But your climate
let me feel I was not thousands of miles away from you.

The night had arrived.
We put on blankets.
sat shoulder to shoulder,
and the music spoke.

It was a music for funeral.
But it brought peace into people's heart.
To have this music once a time made death  not a crying-loud thing.
Just like I will leave you.
And will leave Sweden.
Smiles live within the unwilling mood.
Because we have the gentle power
connecting each other,
just like the blankets.

我的復活節My Easter holiday

溫暖的力量在陽光裡流動
淚水在眼眶裡打轉

本是農耕堆肥的下午

意外翻出心裡的大哉問

我們怎麼知道要去哪?

席地而坐
三人
斜鍬而立
一人

你那光亮色彩的珠珠
正說明你的性格
自由在裡奔放

這周是農夫
下周是藝術家
再下周呢?
"恩，我還沒想到要體驗什麼?"

"你如何知道
你有多少自由?"
我的淚水也跟著滑落


我在尋找
在嘗試
我能用雙手，用雙腳，用心的自在生活

也許我不能像你們一樣
那麼確切的有自己

但不代表
我永遠不能

多少框架，限制
是自己加上去的

我要聆聽自己的聲音

The gentle strength of sunlight was flowing in the air.
The tears were running in eyes.

It was planned to be a farming afternoon.

But, accidentally, she dug out big questions in my mind.

How do we know where we should go?
Sitting on the ground, three people,
Standing by the shovel, one person

The shinning balls with you
explained your personality finely:
Freedom was running inside.

This week I am a farmer.
Next week I will be an artist.
What about next next week?
"Um, I haven't thought about what I want to explore more?"

"How do you know
how much freedom you have?"
The tears ran down too.

I am seeking.
I am trying.
To live a life with hands, feet, and heart.

Maybe I can't be like you guys
to have ourselves so sure.

But it doesn't state that
I will never be in this way.

So many frames and limitations
are put on us by ourselves.

I want to hear my voice.

斯德哥爾摩的電影節Film Festival in Stockholm

那是個漫長的一天，我第一次到斯德哥爾摩，卻沒有好好感受瑞典的首都，因為我待在電影院，看了兩部長的記錄片，和一部短的。這次電影節主題是浪費，我和我的朋友前幾天去ICA的垃圾回收處， 撿到許多香蕉和水果，並做成這次電影節的FIKA(點心)，也算是和這次的主題相呼應，主辦單位很歡迎我們這樣做，因為我們真實的呈現給大眾，有多少食物被浪費，這些食物其實都還很完好，也都還可以做成好吃的點心。

這次電影節，我最有感覺得是其中兩部，先說第一部吧!
"Traffic Dance"(垃圾之舞)，主旨是要告訴我們當垃圾清潔人員可以是值得驕傲和有藝術性的工作。影片是從一位編舞者的角度拍攝，她進入社區裡的清潔隊，想要讓清潔人員跳一場關於他們工作的舞。
一開始，清潔隊內上上下下的人都對此嗤之以鼻，長官對這件事的想法是異想天開，基層人原則認為他們怎麼可能會跳舞，更別說主題和他們的工作相關。但編舞者實際參與他們的工作，從清潔一般的家庭垃圾，動物屍體，到節慶後髒亂的街道，她和這群人有了最基本但重要的認識，基層的清潔人員於是願意嘗試她的跳舞構想。

那場表演有清潔人員常用的大卡車，和各式各樣的執行清潔任務的車子，雖然那是個下雨的晚上，但非常多的居民參加。他們看到清潔人員的厲害的方，重新想清潔人員對他們生活的意義，漸漸的，他們對清潔人員的一些看法改變了。後來，清潔人員收垃圾時，他們都會互相打招呼。
在影片最一開始，其中一位基層人員說，我害怕我的孩子對我的工作感到驕傲，只是因為她(還小)覺得我開大車很酷。但我想，他的孩子會逐漸從"很酷"的感覺，也許受社會價值影響演變成"不認同"，但她終會因了解期意義，而感到驕傲。

我喜歡這部紀錄片，因為其呈現一個重要但不被重視的工作，可以透過藝術，被人重新認識和定義，還有，也看到編舞者的行動力，她把所有人認為的不可能，變成可能。

"工作的價值，究竟如何定義?高薪水，少勞力的工作就是比較有價值的工作嗎?"我問自己。為什麼媽媽聽到我想當農夫就不斷的告訴我要回歸現實，又為什麼金錢可以定意這麼多價值?我認為農夫是很重要的工作，他提供了人們最基本的生活需求，而且我還相信，當農夫絕對不是只要付出勞力，如何栽種植物，讓她們對環境友善的同時，也能長的挺拔翠綠; 當農夫也不是不需要生意腦袋，他們要懂得如何行銷這些作物。所有的這些事，背後的最後理念是永續發展。當我想一件事該如何做，我會想先問自己，這會是"永續"的事嗎?

永續發展和食物的關係是我在瑞典體認最深的議題，我看食物的製作過程如何影響氣候變遷，思索著食肉的意義，實際看到一桶一桶的食物被超商倒入垃圾堆，而我和這邊的朋友又如何把這些食物變成一餐請所有願意來的人吃，因為這些刺激，讓我覺得食物和人的關係不只是單純的生理需求，食物的生產影響到環境 ; 想當農夫，還得挑戰社會價值，認為這是不理想的工作; 人們對於食物的價值和丟棄食物時的態度讓我覺得還需要改變。

我還有很多事要學習，很多事要思辨，我的大學教育能帶給我建立這些觀點的基石嗎?這些刺激應該不會只出現在學校裡，很多例子會活生生的出現在生活中。

第二部我想分享的記錄片很沉重，是關於車諾比事件，片名是Metamorphism (變態，((型態改變))老實說接連看了兩場記錄片，一整下午又在斯市賣力騎腳踏車到戲院，我其實覺得內心已經裝不下訊息了，所以有些片段我睡著了。整體的內容是，核能廠發生意外後，很多具輻射的物質被排放到鄰近的河流。但，沒有人告訴當地的居民，他們只知道不能太靠近那條河。輻射的影響，存在於居住在這片土地上的人，並且是世世代代的。影片以黑白的方式呈現，最讓我心理不能負荷的是一開始，一張張居民面孔的特寫，他們看著你，大約有十秒，沒有背景音樂，只有風聲呼呼的響。他什麼都沒說，但他本身，就說盡了所有事，這些瘡疤，存在於人類歷史上，我要學會如何與之共存，為什麼當局者要隱瞞?

影片結束後，一張張的面孔還是出現在我心理，我身後的一位俄羅斯同學，舉手分享她的想法，"我住的地方，離那裡不遠，但我現在才知道這條件事，所以非常謝謝你們有這部紀錄片..."她說。我無法想像那種感覺，我真的無法。她後來在我回過身時對我說，"沒錯，這是其中一個我不想回俄國的原因。"我只覺得更加沉重了，她就是活生生的例子。

我還沒懂得如何和這種瘡疤共存，我只覺得好可怕，但要如何改變，我還沒有頭緒。只是整件事情，突然讓我想到，我還是很幸福的，因為我"可以"回去，就算台灣的政治亂，就算台灣的經濟不好，但我們還有可以居住的環境，這足以讓人懂得珍惜。

我不知道斯德哥爾摩的感覺，因為我只來看電影，但這些電影讓我重新再看看自己，火車票很貴，但是我很高興我有來，這些事值得思考很久。

It was a long day. This was my first time to Stockholm, but I didn't have time to really see the city. Because I stayed in the theater, and watched two long documentaries, and one short documentary. The theme of the movie festival is "Waste."  My friends and I went to dumpster diving in ICA. We collected a lot of banana and  fruits, and made them into desserts, as fika for the film festival. It matches the theme of the festival as well. The organizer welcomed us to do so, because it really showed how much food had been wasted, how perfect it still was, and how delicious desserts it could still be made out of.

This time, tow documentaries stoke my heart the most.
The first one was Trash Dance. Its main idea was that being a trash cleaner, you can be proud and make the work artistic. The film was shouted through a choreographer's standpoint. She participated the work with local trash cleaners, and thinking about having them to perform a dance about their job.
At the beginning, everyone in the trash cleaning team thought it was ridiculous. The officer thought it as an impossible thing, and the trash cleaner didn't believe they can dance, not to say the dance had to be related to their job. But the choreographer joined their work. From cleaning the normal home-trash, dead animal bodies, to the messy and dirty streets after festival celebration. She had a basic, but important, understanding of those people. Those people would like to try her idea of performing a dance.

The big trunks that the trash cleaners used frequently, and a verity of vechicles related to cleaning showed up at the performance. Thought it was a raining night, a lot of local people came. They saw the amazing things these trash cleaners could do, and thought again the meaning of trash cleaners in their lives. Gradually, their perspectives toward these people had changed. After that, when the trash cleaners collect trash for people, they greet each other.

At the start of the documentary, one of the trash cleaners said he was afraid that his child felt proud of her father's job was only because she was little, and she thought driving a trunk was a cool thing. I think, his child maybe would change her view from just being cool to disapprove, influencing by social standard. But, finally, she would be proud after she understands the meaning of it.

I like this documentary, because it revealed how an important but being neglected job can be rethought and redefined by people through art. And the determination the choreographer
 showed. She turned things that were impossible to other into possible.

"How to judge the value of a job? Does a high salary and low labor-work job equal to a much valuable job?" I asked myself. Why my mother kept telling me to be realistic when I said I want to be a farmer? And why money could weight the value? I believe being a farmer is an important job. It provides the basic needs of everybody. And I also believe it doesn't only need labor work to be a farmer. How to cultivate an ecofriendly and greenish vegetable garden at the same time? Being a farmer also doesn't mean you don't  have a business brain, because you have to think how to market these crops. All of these things are within the view of sustainable development. When I think how to do a thing, I want to first ask myself is this a sustainable thing to do?

The connection between food and sustainable development is the issue that influences me the most in Sweden. I saw how the processing of food affect climate change, thought of the meaning of being carnivore, and watched how a bunch of food has been wasted, which my friends and I turned it into a meal, and invited people who were willing to eat to come. Because of these simulations, the meaning of food toward people is not just about fufilling physical need. The processing of food influences environment. The idea of being a farmer is being disputed, which the society see it as a not-ideal job. The value people give food and the attitude people have when throwing food away push me to think that these still have to be changed.

There are lots of things I need to learn and to reflect. Can my education in university provide me the fundamental ability to think this? I think these stimulation will not only occur in school. Instead, lots of the examples are happening in reality.

The second documentary I want to share is quite intense. It is about the accident in Chernobyl, and its name is Metamorphism. To be honest, I felt sleepy after watching two documentaries, and tired o from working really hard to bike from station to theater in Stockholm this afternoon. My brain can not load  more message, so in some clips of the movie, I fell asleep.

 The overall idea of the movie is that after the accident, the radioactive elements were dumped into the river nearby the nuclear power plant. But, no one told the residence there. They only knew they shouldn't get too close to that river. The effect of the radiation exists on the people living on that land, and it will exist through generations. The film was shoted black and white. For me, the most unendurable scenario happened at the very beginning, which the camera had people's face occupied the whole screen.  They looked at you, for about ten minutes. There was no background music, only the sound of wind, echoing "Whoo, whoo." He/She didn't say anything, but he/her self, already said everything needed to say. Why the local authority hid the news?

Their faces still came up to my mind after the film ended. A classmate sat behind me raise her hand and shared her thoughts. "I live not far away from this place, but I didn't know this until now. So thank you very much for having this film..." she said. I can't imagine that feeling. Really, I can't. When I turned back, she told me "You see. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go back to Russia." I felt more depressed. She is a really life example.

I haven't established the way to live with these scars. I scare. But how can I change? I haven't come up with an idea. However, the overall incident makes me think that I am still a blessed person. I "can" go back!  Though the politics in Taiwan is not stable, and the economy is not that idea, we have a place to live. That is enough for people to cherish.

I don't know the atmosphere in Stockholm, since I just came and watched the films. But, these films pushed me to see myself again. The train tickets were expensive, but I was happy I had came. These things are worthy to think.

和同學討論台灣的社會運動Discussing Taiwan's social movement with friends

我一定要先說，這些同學願意和我討論，真得很謝謝他們，撥出時間聽我說，回應我。
反服貿的事件剛發生時，我是帶著有些震驚的心裡去看這件事，因為我覺得學生霸占立法院，直接的感覺就是這件事很嚴重，所謂的這件事，同時包含服貿的內容，及學生的行為。
震驚的心態直到警察和學生發生衝突的那天才淪為非常難過和沮喪，我那時後的想法是，我不管誰對誰錯，拜託，不要讓人受傷。而且，我開始想，等我回去後，台灣是否會變成一個我非常不熟悉的地方呢，生平第一次因為想到"台灣"而哭。(那天對同學的胡言亂語我在前面的網誌也說了)
我和CEMUS的同學說這件事。
我開始看服貿在說什麼，在FB上，很多朋友都會放除了懶人包以外的東西，有公聽會的對話記錄，有老師分析服貿對移民的影響，有老師為世代之間的磨合作溝通，還有一些歌，有的時候，看累了，想煩了，聽聽歌也還可以，但要注意不要一直聽，不然會變得太情緒化。

昨天下午，我和同學討論，這次討論有一位美國人P，一位德國人P，和兩位比利時人，V和A，最後還有三位台灣人。
我在這次的討論理，慢慢學到，應該是說感覺到一些東西，當我問，我還是想去看鳥，看樹看花看草，但是又知道這件事，我其實覺得很難平衡，P告訴我，生命中仍有許多美好的事，不要用這麼單一的角度看人生，他說，一位在納粹集中營裡出來的人，仍願意擁抱生命帶來的美麗。我想，我還在這滾動的世界裡，尋找其中的平衡。
當我們討論去靜坐的學生的動機時，P說，在華爾街的抗議，當你問每一位抗議民眾，你為什麼會在這裡，其實並不是每一個人都知道他或她為什麼會在這裡，這讓我漸漸有一新的感覺，原本以為學運是很純潔的，但我開始用比較理性的角度去看學運，而不純粹是情緒的感受。即使真的到場的人， 也不一定都是有相同的願景。
當我們說到這件社會運動，應該要怎麼樣才能帶出實質的影響力時，其中一位台灣學生說，我們應該要把立法院還給那些議員，讓議會運作，並且應該用柔性的方法解決。他的觀點是，我們一直霸占議會，會不會也給議員們有理由不解決這件事。V問我們有沒有辦法和社運的領導人討論這件事，她說即使一開始你可能會被人家說不團結，但是如果你是有理的，那他們終究會發現。到這時候，我才發現，我應該不會去說，原因是我沒有這麼大的參與感，但我知道V是一位敢做敢言，做自己的人，這些在她相信的事上特別容易顯現。而我也一直很想有自己如此在乎的事，我會覺得那樣是全力在活。
另一位台灣同學問到歐洲的學生社會運動，V說她們已經很久沒有學生社會運動了，但是有位老師就問過她們，你們這些學生怎麼了，為什麼社會上有這麼多不公平，不正義的事，你們都不會抗議?我想也許，下一個世代的容貌確是現在的學生要去打造的，而學生是常被賦予為有希望的一群人。A說到法國的社會運動，那是因為種族，這段我其實沒有聽很懂，還有也說到烏克蘭，她們的情況，好像也可以和台灣的相對看。另一位同學提到歐洲學生抗議更改修課規定的事，一開始學生抗議的規模很大，霸占學校的建築，但是等到聖誕節過後，學生因為回家，力量沒辦法再聚起來，也就散了，我聽了後，在想台灣的學運會怎麼結束，最近是否正逢春假呢?
在開始討論的前幾天，我一直期待這場討論能給我一些答案，比如說國家應該如何發展，人應該怎麼面對社會問題，但在蒐集服貿資料的過程中，漸漸的，我感覺到，我要得不是一個問題然後一個答案，社會的發展，和我自己的人生，也不會是有一個特定的答案，我甚至有感覺，社會和人生的存在並不會是為了尋找答案。
最後，我想說，我對這次討論最感開心的事:我能和一群朋友說:)
I must say it at first: Thanks to those classmates spending their time with me, responding to me, and discussing with me.
At the beginning of the anti-trade agreement incidence, I was shocked to see it Because, at the first instinct, I think the fact that students occupying parliament and the trade agreement itself are a really serious thing.
This shocked attitude suddenly turned into sad and depressed as the conflict between police and students happened. At that time, my thought was that no matter who is right or wrong, please, let no more people get hurt. And I started to wonder that would Taiwan become a really unfamiliar place when I get back. The first time in my life, I cried because of thinking Taiwan. (I have said the nonsense talk I had with my classmates  before.)
I talked to students at CEMUS.
I started to read what the trade agreement is about. Many friends posted things other than lazy-people guide on FB. There are the records in meeting with public , the agreement's effect on immigrant analysed by the teacher, the communication done by a teacher to ease the conflict between different generations, and some songs too. Sometimes when I was  a little tired, because of reading or thinking, it is good to listen to a song. But don't listen to it for too long, or we can be too emotional.

At the afternoon of yesterday, I discussed it with my classmates. One is from the States, P. One is from German, P. Two are from Belgium, V and A. And the other three are from Taiwan.
I learned, or I should say I felt, something in this discussion. When I said it is hard to remain the balance with this thing happening while I still want to see birds, tress, flowers and grass. P told me life still has beautiful things. Don't look at it in a narrow sense. There was one person, who got out of the concentration camp, still wanted to embrace the beautiful things life gave, he said. I think I am still thinking about how to remain this balance in this forever-rolling world.
When we talked about the motivation of the students going sit-in protest, P said, when you asked everyone in the Wall Street protest, you would find out, actually, not everyone knew why he or she was there. This fact gave me a new idea of the student social movement. I though student social movement as a pure thing. But now I see it with a more rational way, instead of an emotional way. Even for people who are there, they may not all have the same view.
When we talked about how this social movement can actually bring out solid effect, one of the Taiwanese said we should give the parliament back to officers to let them work, and to solve it in a soft way. His point is we gave those officers excuse to say they cannot work in the parliament occupied by the students. V asked us is it possible to discuss this issue with the leader of the movement. At first, people may say you are not supporting, but if you have the reason, they will see the point at the end, she said. At this point, I started to realize, I has too little passion to really say it. Because I don't have so much feeling of participating. But I knew she is someone that dare to say and act. This is especially true when things she cares come. I hope I can find things meant so much for me too. It is like living with your full effort.
The other Taiwanese student asked about the student social movement in Europe. V said it has been quite  a long time since last movement. But one teacher has asked them "What's wrong with you? There are so many unfair and unjustified things in the society. Why don't you protest?" I think, maybe the appearance of the next generations is sculptured by students, and students are often being looked as hopeful. And A talked about the movement in France, it was about racial conflict. I didn't understand this part well. Ukraine was mentioned too. It seems like the incidence in Ukraine can take as a contrast to Taiwan's situation. Another student mentioned about students protesting the modified rules of taking courses. The protest was quite big, at first. They occupied the school building. But as the Christmas holiday ended, the student had no power to stick together again, as they had all went home for Christmas. After listening about this, I started to think, how Taiwan's student social movement will end. Isn't it the time for spring holiday?
Few days before the discussion, I was hoping that it can give me some answers. "How a country should develop?" "How people should live with social issue?", for example. But during the process of searching information about the trade agreement, gradually, I felt that what I want is not a question followed by an answer. The development of society and my life do not have a specific answer. I even have an idea that the existing of society and life is not aimed for seeking answers.
At last, I want to say the happiest thing in this discussion is that I have friends to talk to:)

我因能認識你們而開心I am happy because I know you!

我想放完那次美好的旅行的照片，即使和談話內容無關

I want to finish  the beautiful photo of the excersion I had, even though it had nothing to do with the content.

今天一直惴惴不安，想到要邀全班有興趣的同學來討論學運，和將在瑞典的第一次考試，我總有些緊繃。
但其實只要勇敢些，就不會有這些庸人自擾的煩惱。我覺得勇敢，除了身旁的人能幫助你增加些勇敢的原料，有的時候自己的認真和信念也會讓自己不懼怕。今天很多人幫我增加了前者，後著就是我要自立了。
一開始我還在想真的有人會注意這件事嗎?S幫我喊了一句，請大家注意。就這樣，我帶著有些結巴與難過的語氣開始了，我說了我在fb上看到的情形，也說了為什麼我會想和大家說這件事，我希望能聽到帶給我很多思考空間的同學們的想法，最後我放島嶼天光的影片，比較抱歉的是英文字幕很小，坐在教室另一邊的人完全看不到。過程中，R幫我切換電腦螢幕很多次，很謝謝他。
在講話的過程中，我看到A對我笑，回坐位的過程我也看到後面的同學和旁邊的同學對我笑，雖然最後我旁邊的同學還是問我:台灣究竟發生什麼事? 這是我的錯，沒有講清楚。
但是這些笑容真得讓我覺得講話沒有這麼困難，甚至是說，表達自己的立場不是件讓人害怕的事。

今天我給了V卡片，我好開心終於送她卡片了，也是因為她，我才有和全班說，看別人是怎麼想的想法，更是因為她，我知道我可以一步一步慢慢學，我真的好希望有一天能像她如此自信和陽光的活著。

還有P，我也好謝謝他，讓我無理頭的說話，幫我辦活動的同時，給我這麼多空間決定時間和內容，很感動他因相信友誼而聽我說話，這就是最好的支持。
Today was an anxiety day. Thinking about inviting classmates to discuss the social movement in Taiwan, and with the fist coming exam at night, I felt quite anxious.
But the truth is if I am brave enough, these avoidable worries would not exist. I think not only  people around me can add more ingredients of being brave to me, the efforts made by myself and the believe come from myself can also let me not be afraid. Today, many people gave me the previous one. I should help myself with the later one.
At the beginning, I was doubting that whether anyone in class would be interested in it. "Pay your attention" S said, helping me to draw back people's focus. As the time went on, I started with a bit of stuttering and sadness tone. I said the news I saw on fb, and I also said why I would want to tell everyone about this. I wish I can hear thought from those classmates, who have brought many space for me to think. At last, I played the Island Sunrise video. What made me feel sorry was that the subtitle is too small. People sitting in another side of the classroom couldn't really see it. During all the process, R helped a lot with changing mode from computer to the screen. Thanks him a lot.

When I spoke, I saw A smiled at me. When I came back to my seat, the classmates sitting back and next to me also smiled at me. Even though, the classmate sat next to me asked me afterwards " What's really happened in Taiwan?" It is my responsibility to let him know, since I had taken the time to speak. I should be more clear next time.
But, all in all, these smiles gave me an idea that it is not so difficult to speak. To be more accurate, it is not so terrifying to say one's opinion.

I gave the card to V today. I felt so happy I finally gave her the card. Because of her, I dare to think that I can talk to whole class to hear other's way of thinking. More than that, she let me understand I can learn with one step at a time. I truly hope someday I can be like her, living in a confidence and bright way. (It doesn't mean to be  her, but to be myself with the same spirit of  life attitude.)

And P, so much thanks I want to give him. He let me talk with a no-point way. Helping me to hold this event, while giving me so much room to decide time and place. I felt so touched that he believes in friendship so he listened to me. That is the best support one can give.

總覺得這種大動物特別讓我喜歡。I like this kind of large animal very much.
歐洲野牛(其實是被人養的)European bison(rasied by human)