Living by learning

Bare with me. I don't have Chinese to type.

Few days ago, when I was cooking something on the camp fire, a friend of mine asked me what do I think about the course Climate Change Leadership.
I said this course helps me to learn more about myself and the constantly changing world. At frist, I can not come up with some straight forward answers, which are the things I have been thinking about for a long time. I felt rich inside my heart, but I can not say it precisely.

At the same day, I handed in my last assignment of this course. This is actually a revision. I have two assignments needed to be revisied. It took me some time to be positive to face it and rewrite my assignments. The main problem in my assignment is that I did not respond to the questions asked in the introduction, which I later found out I would feel disappointed if I can pass this course with assignments like these. I appreciate that my course cooridnators gave me a second chance.

After I finished all my works, I did ask myself what I have learned from this course. Then, a intuistic idea came to my mind. That is, living by learning. What does climate change bring to us? What does human reactions, all those climate change conferances, and the justice, the humanity within the idea,,, teach us?

The free atmosphere creates by corridnators and my classmates make me feel this class is different. Different to a point I can find myself's existence in the world. So that I had more time to reflect on my own life and other people's world.

"Leadership", a concept I didn't understand before. Now, I have a different feeling for it. It doesn't mean to be a leader. It doesn't mean one needs to have certain degree. Not to say it needs someone to do super important thing. Instead, it means to excercise one's influence on others, even just influencing a person around you. For things we want to change, and for things we see can be done better in this world. Leadership is not only about facing other. It is also about improving oneself. Try hard to understand oneself, create one's leadership style and reflect on one's connection to this world.

The world is changing. The perdiction or the solution we make may not always be what we understand. Uncertainty may be seen as a chance rather than a difficulty.  

我覺得我是活著的I feel alive :)

回到台灣了，縱使旅行的記憶盤據我腦，要回想整個在烏普薩拉待的每一章節，卻還是那麼清明。
還記得，(這是一具老套的開頭，但是就讓我這樣平鋪直敘的說這些事吧)我第一天上恐龍的課，我有好多聽不懂，因為英文，因為速度，因為環境。
第一天上瑞典的動物課，也是，毫無頭緒，老師在講青蛙的身體構造，我還不知道英文名對應地是什麼器官?
第一天上climate change leadership，我簡直連這堂課在討論什麼，我都不知道，我帶著一大串的問號離開。
但是我的適應力沒有被冰雪掩埋，在climate change leadership的課程裡，我開始發現閱讀的重要，因為這樣才能和同學討論。當老師在介紹與氣候變遷相關的會議，和組織，我也不會心裡一直冒問號。也是因為和同學有更多的討論，我開始接受不是每一個"困難"，都必須立即有一個明確的"方案"，這也改變我對自己生活的看法，重點是要不斷追尋。
是這堂課，讓我第一次感覺教育和社會如此緊密，也是這堂課，讓我可以將自己和未來的世界做連結，從課本裡的文字，到鑽進社會裡，或許整個過程就是一種活著的感覺，這些事情，氣候變遷，和你如此相關，怎麼能不在乎?不是為了什麼環保，什麼綠城市，而是為了我們。

瑞典的動物課，是一門我想起來會微笑的課。我的報告也是要重新訂正，考試也有兩部分沒有通過，需要補考。然而，讓我重新再溫習，竟更讓我明白我為什麼要修這麼課，我帶走的是什麼樣的知識和態度，擁有什麼樣的經驗。離開時，我送了老師們溪頭的青蛙明信片和台大謝師周的卡片，他們很開心，這或許也是有交換學生的好處，有很多分享。

整體來說，我覺得瑞典的課，強調學生的自發性，在乎多少，自己就會想去做多少，是"自己想"，無關乎其他。要重考，重寫報告，這不是個"難過的結果"，而是一個再做一次的機會。好像煮菜，燒焦了，沒關係，找出問題，再試一次。

在台灣對老師，總是會有禮貌，說謝謝也習以為常，但我常感覺瑞典的老師不習慣這樣，他們內心會過意不去，他們的態度比較像"我在這裡就是要幫助你學習的，這是我該做的事。"

說硬體設備，他們的教學樓，和系館，都是很舒適的，一定會有一間以上的廚房，和餐廳。有一堂課我是在一棟較新的大樓上課，裡面的投影幕還是觸控式的，但並非每一位講著都習慣那個螢幕，我想是因為那樣的概念還太新。系館都會有大走廊，和很多小教室，走廊上和小教室擺了很多小桌子，學生可以在那裡念書和討論。
或許是因為瑞典土地大，而人少，空間相對較多，才可以規劃出這麼多區域。

整個城市裡，我很喜歡cemus的圖書館，我假日都可以整天待在那，因為那裡像客廳般親切，大大的沙發，搖椅，咖啡和廚房，外面也有院子，不會讓人覺得窒息，還有，只要有學校的卡，其實可以一天24小時都待在那。圖書館可以講話，可以吃東西，有的時候更像討論室。但當然還是有一個區域是必須保持安靜的。

朋友也為我的交換生活上了豐富的顏色。第一次和同學說服貿的事情時，比我大一兩歲的德國朋友，很冷靜得和我說"政府都這樣阿"，雖然我顯得如此不成熟，他們願意帶我用他們的角度看事情，聽我的想法。
朋友也改變我對服裝的看法，"我太害羞了，這件好像不太好。"剛開始撿二手衣時還這麼對V說，後來自己反而接受度更大，而且會開始想，我想要穿出什麼樣的風格?
能和一群朋友分享彼此的生命，閱讀彼此，是我心中最感激的事， 他們教我做菜，帶我曬太陽，誘導我跟隨音樂跳舞，即使我是個大肢障，重點不是什麼樣的舞步，而是自己想跳什麼?至少在一場演唱會裡可以這樣。

我無法想像會有如此深刻活著的日子。喔，然後我也因為他們，發現擁抱的必要，我真的好喜歡，不管男生還是女生。

瑞典如同台灣，不是一個完美的國家，也許我的文字太容易將這裡形塑成烏托邦，老實說，我也帶著這樣的念頭很久。
但這確實是第一個讓我眼睛閃閃發亮這麼久的地方。
感謝幫我的家人，朋友和學校，謝謝你們，如果我忍不住對你們又親又抱，我應該只是太想念你們。

那11點多還天亮，3點多天又亮的日子，和那每晚粉紅色的天空，是否畫下來了?
那樣活著的強度是否以種在我的腦袋裡?
對我來說這是一場發現自己，打開心門的旅程。

I'm in Taiwan. Even though my travel memory filled my brain, it is clear to think back on all the chapters I had in Uppsala.

I still remember the first day I had my dinosaurs course. (This is an old-fashioned opening, but please allowed me to say in plain sentences.) I could understand almost nothing. I did try to listen. But because of speaking in English,  because of the speed, and because of the environment, I really can not get anything clear.
The first day I had faunistics, vertebrates course, I also had no idea either. The teacher was introducing the organs of a frog, and I didn't know which part he exactly mentioned, corresponding to each English name.
The  first time I took Climate change leadership course, I could understand nothing, not to mention what was being discussed. I left the classroom with loads of questions.

But my adaptation ability did not be frozened by the cold snow. In Ccl course, I realized the importance of reading, becauase I want to discuss with friends. When the speaker was introducing meetings, and organizations, relating to climate change, I would not have question marks kept budding out of my heart. And because of having discussions with friends, I understood not every problem or difficulty need to have a solution right away. This idea also changes my view of life. The important thing is to keep searching.
Because of this course, I first felt that education is so close to society. Also because of this course, I can make connections between myself and future. From the words in the assigned readings, to diving into the real world, the whole process gave me a feeling of being alive. Under the sky, there are so many things, which relate to you so much. Climate change. How can you don't care about it? It is not for environment, not for green cities, but for us.

Faunistics, vertebrates course in Sweden, is the one that will make me smile when I recall it. I also got assignment needed to be revised, and two parts of the exams needed to be remake. But having a review on it sort of helping me understand why I want to take this course. What kind of knowledge and attitude I learned. And what kind of experiences I had. When I left, I sent the frog post card from Sitou and the Teacher's day card in Taiwan to the teachers. They were so happy. That may be the good thing to have exchange students. We can share cool thing together.

In general, I feel it needs a lot of self discipline to take Swedish course. How much you do all depends on how much you care. It's about your will, and nothing else. To have remake exam or an assignment needed to be revised, is not a sad "result". Rather, it is more like giving you a second chance. It is like cooking. The first time, if it burns, don't worry. Find out the solution and try it again.

I  used to be really polite to teachers in Taiwan. Saying thank you is common too. But I feel Swedish teachers are not used to that. They would not feel comfortable in their hearts. I think their attitude is more like "I am here to help you learn. It is the thing I should do."

Talking about their hardware, the teaching building and each department are comfortable, with at least one kitchen, one library, and one restaurant. One course of mine was in a new building. The big screen there is touchable. Even though I don't think every speaker was used to that. Maybe it is because the idea is still bit too new. There are a lot of space in the hallway and lots of small rooms, with a lot of tables and chairs being placed. Students can discuss and read books in these places.
Maybe it is because Sweden has a lot of space, and not so much people. They are able to design these areas into specific usages.
(Sweden has nearly 450 thousand square kilometer land area, with 9 million people.
Taiwan has 35 thousand square kilometer land area and with 23 million people.)

In this city, I like the library in Cemus pretty much. It is as comfortable as a living room. I can stay there the whole day on weekend. With big sofas, rocking chairs, coffee, a kitchen and yards, I never feel stifled. If you want, you can stay there for 24 hours, as long as you have a university card, which you should have no problem to have one. It is allowed to talk and to eat in the library. So it is actually more like a discussion room. But of course, there is still one area that you should be quiet.

Friends in Uppsala made my time there extremely colorful. The first time I told my German friend about the Trade Agrement in Taiwan, who was one or two years older than me, responded me in a quite calm attitude "Governments all do things like that." Even though I was quite immature, they were willing to share their views and listen to my feelings. Friends I made there also changed my taste in clothing. "I am too shy.." the first time I picked up a cloth in a swamp, I told V. But later on, I became more open. I thus started to think what kind of personality I want to convey through clothing.

I am thankful that we can share life together and read each other. They taught me how to cook, brought me out to enjoy the sun and led me to dance with music, even though I was like having legs and hip made out of steel. The point is not what steps we danced, but what movements our body want to do. At least during a concert.

I can not imagine to live a life so vivid like this. Oh, and also because of them, I found the must to have hugs. I enjoyed it, both boys and girls:)

Sweden, like Taiwan is not a perfect country. Maybe through my description, it is easy for you to make hypothesis like this. In fact, I hold this idea for quite a long time, too.
But this is the first place to keep my eyes sparkling for such a long time.
Thank you to my family, friends and the university. If I can not resist to kiss or hug you, it is just because I miss you too much..

The sky is still bright at 11pm.
The sky lights up at 3 am. And the pinkish sky every evening...
Did I paint them all?
To live with this strength,
Have I planted it inside my heart?
It is a trip to discover myself and free my soul.

學習不因考試完而結束Learing won't stop because the exam ended.

我今天考完最後一堂試，是關於瑞典的脊椎動物。有好多鳥，好多魚，還有好多聲音，和一些兩爬。
但是大自然這本書永遠都讀不完。大海裡的魚，天空，樹林與原野上的鳥，我怎能全知了?
這門課在學期成果的欄位上表達的是: 能了解瑞典的脊椎動物，並應用在保育上。然對我來說，這其實更像是開啟我認識大自然的另一扇門; 學習結果，是會觀察周遭環境的鳥聲/身。

很多時候進入森林，或只是走在路上，會對身邊的聲音不敏感，但是修完這堂課，我開始會去聽，"那是什麼聲音?"，"誰在窗戶外嘰嘰喳喳?"生活充滿了樂趣。
就像是森林系的樹木學，幫我開啟另一世界。

我很謝謝這堂課的老師，十多次的出野外，他都把自己做到最好，也用正向的態度回應我這個動物門外漢。

我記得我第一次考試，在野外考，我迷路了，所以遲到。有點緊張，除了因為遲到，也是因為老師說我要帶他走鳥類的生態旅遊，告訴他什麼鳥在說話，什麼鳥飛過去。我不是一個好導遊，在我又緊張考試又快結束時，老師對我說了句話。這句話讓我了解，我可以做得更好。
那天考完，騎車回家，路上忍不住停下來想，我為了什麼修這堂課?

沒有人可以看完世界上所有的書，就像沒有人可以看片全世界的風情。可是我們可以永遠都帶著一顆好奇的心去看世界，我想這堂課教我的就是這個，抬頭看看誰在唱歌。
而我也因這堂課，去了附近美麗的森林，海邊玩，甚至還找到了下午茶的好去處!那變成是一個想要走進自然的渴望，而不是只有考試。
這堂課結束了，我的學習不因此結束，他在教我如何去聽，發現，而我的生命還在走，我希望地球也是，這樣，我的學習就永遠不會結束。

I finished my last exam today. It is about faunistics vertebrates in Sweden. There are a lot of birds, a lot of fishes, a lot of sounds, and some herptiles.
But this book, nature, can never be finished. How can I ever know all the fishes in the sea, and the birds in sky, forest and field?
The learning outcome in the course information said: To recognize vertebrates in Sweden, and to apply the knowledge in the field of conservation. Yet, for me, this course is more like opening a door leading me to nature; learning outcome is to be able to observe bird sounds and existence in the surrounding.
I was not sensitive to sounds around me when I walked into forest, or on the street. But after taking this course, I started to "listen". "What's that sound?", "Who is chattering outside the window?" Life becomes so much fun.
It was like course in dandrology  of forestry department, helping me open up another world's door.

I thanked the teachers in this course a lot. Over ten times of excursions, he did his best, and he always responded me, the very beginner, positively.

I remember my first test. It was in the field, and I got lost. So I was late to the test. Because of being late, and the request from the teacher was I have to be a ecotourist guide, telling him which bird was singing, and which bird flew by, I was nervous. I was not a good guide. When I was nervous, and the test was going to end, the teacher said something to me. This let me understand that I can do it better.
After the exam that day, I biked home. On the way, I couldn't bike but stop to think a question: Why did I take this course?

No one can read all the books in the world, like no one can see all the view in the world. But we can bring a curious mind to look at this world all the time! I think this is something this course taught me about. Look who is singing up of the head?
I went to some beautiful forest and beach areas because of this course. I even found a good place to have coffee. (fika, in Swedish) It turned out to be an eager to go in to nature, which was not something you do because of the test.
This course has finished. But my learning process never stops. It taught me how to listen, how to observe. My life is still going on. I hope earth is too:) By these facts, my learning never stop!

我可以為你加油! I can cheer you up!

我向來都習慣依賴人，或者是完全讓人依賴
也向來都將人分成這兩種類型
但其實每個人
都需要你有閃亮眼睛，放出力量的時候

乍回顧這篇一直沒完成的文章(或者只能說是一個段落)，已過了一個月了。當初會有這樣的心得，是因為我的好朋友，老是幫助我，給我動力的，最近突然眼光淡了，我於是看到她會哭，也承受莫名的巨大壓力。
我還以為，她總是精神飽滿，神采飛揚，然後也簡單的認為，在她身上，我可以得到許多能量。
事實上，反過來想，這怎麼有可能?如果我會累，會哭，她的生活，也會有累，也會有不順利的時刻吧!若我們的交集永遠都在我從她身上得到力量的互動裡，這是很奇怪的。

那天看到她困在報告裡，告訴我她沒事，她只是累，累在這報告，和缺少睡眠。又想起，那次吃早餐，人生該去哪，該怎麼生活，她也還在嘗試，而這樣的嘗試，背後其實有壓力。我，才懂，她也有需要被打氣的時後。
我們是可以互相加油的，我也有力量關心別人。

大海中，我們互相加油

I used to depend on others. Or I used to let the others depend on me.
Thus, I used to categroise people in these types.
However, everyone
all has time that needs you to give power from your sprinkling eyes.

I read this article (or I should say the paragraph) again, just by a click to my blog. It has been one month since I wrote it. I had this reflection because  my good friend, who always helped me, and gave me motivation, had her spirit in eyes gloomy. So I saw she cry. I saw she bear huge, and ambiguous pressure too.
I see her as always being energetic, and having sunny-smile face, and simply regarded  her as the one I can always get energy from.
To be honest, thinking from a different perspective, how can that be true? If I will feel tired and will cry, it should be understandable that she will feel tired and want to cry sometimes in life. If our connections are only built up by me taking energy from her, it would be strange.

I saw her stuck in her paper, telling me she was just tired of this paper, lacking sleep, tired but was fine. And it recalled me, during the breakfast we had last time, she said she was also trying to find out where to go, and how to lead her life. This kind of experiencing has pressure behind. So I understand, she needs to be cheered up from time to time as well.
We can cheer each other. I have the energy to give too!

In the ocean, we help each other.

有毯子的晚上The night with a blanket.

Vegan Monday

其實我也不認識你們
笑容卻串聯起一切

菜園旁的簡陋野餐桌
擺滿了豐盛的食物

我帶了1/4個西瓜
我幸福的吃著野菜派，沙拉，和好多巧克粒蛋糕

然後你們輕聲的談話
有時候我聽不懂
但你們的氣息
讓我覺得不是在千里之外

夜幕降臨
我們拉起了毯子
彼此依偎
音樂響起

是葬禮的音樂
但是卻讓人心定
好像死一回，聽這音樂，也不是什麼哭得唏哩嘩啦的事
就好像我會離開你們
離開瑞典
不捨之中
笑容不減
因為我們有溫暖的力量
串連
就像這條毯子
Actually, I don't know you.
But smiles connect everything together.

The crude picnic table sat beside the vegetable garden.
A rich amount of food was laid on it.

I bought one forth of watermelon.
I ate wild-vegetable pie, salad, and a lot of chocolate cake, with happiness.

And you talked gently.
Sometimes I didn't understand.
But your climate
let me feel I was not thousands of miles away from you.

The night had arrived.
We put on blankets.
sat shoulder to shoulder,
and the music spoke.

It was a music for funeral.
But it brought peace into people's heart.
To have this music once a time made death  not a crying-loud thing.
Just like I will leave you.
And will leave Sweden.
Smiles live within the unwilling mood.
Because we have the gentle power
connecting each other,
just like the blankets.

我的復活節My Easter holiday

溫暖的力量在陽光裡流動
淚水在眼眶裡打轉

本是農耕堆肥的下午

意外翻出心裡的大哉問

我們怎麼知道要去哪?

席地而坐
三人
斜鍬而立
一人

你那光亮色彩的珠珠
正說明你的性格
自由在裡奔放

這周是農夫
下周是藝術家
再下周呢?
"恩，我還沒想到要體驗什麼?"

"你如何知道
你有多少自由?"
我的淚水也跟著滑落


我在尋找
在嘗試
我能用雙手，用雙腳，用心的自在生活

也許我不能像你們一樣
那麼確切的有自己

但不代表
我永遠不能

多少框架，限制
是自己加上去的

我要聆聽自己的聲音

The gentle strength of sunlight was flowing in the air.
The tears were running in eyes.

It was planned to be a farming afternoon.

But, accidentally, she dug out big questions in my mind.

How do we know where we should go?
Sitting on the ground, three people,
Standing by the shovel, one person

The shinning balls with you
explained your personality finely:
Freedom was running inside.

This week I am a farmer.
Next week I will be an artist.
What about next next week?
"Um, I haven't thought about what I want to explore more?"

"How do you know
how much freedom you have?"
The tears ran down too.

I am seeking.
I am trying.
To live a life with hands, feet, and heart.

Maybe I can't be like you guys
to have ourselves so sure.

But it doesn't state that
I will never be in this way.

So many frames and limitations
are put on us by ourselves.

I want to hear my voice.

斯德哥爾摩的電影節Film Festival in Stockholm

那是個漫長的一天，我第一次到斯德哥爾摩，卻沒有好好感受瑞典的首都，因為我待在電影院，看了兩部長的記錄片，和一部短的。這次電影節主題是浪費，我和我的朋友前幾天去ICA的垃圾回收處， 撿到許多香蕉和水果，並做成這次電影節的FIKA(點心)，也算是和這次的主題相呼應，主辦單位很歡迎我們這樣做，因為我們真實的呈現給大眾，有多少食物被浪費，這些食物其實都還很完好，也都還可以做成好吃的點心。

這次電影節，我最有感覺得是其中兩部，先說第一部吧!
"Traffic Dance"(垃圾之舞)，主旨是要告訴我們當垃圾清潔人員可以是值得驕傲和有藝術性的工作。影片是從一位編舞者的角度拍攝，她進入社區裡的清潔隊，想要讓清潔人員跳一場關於他們工作的舞。
一開始，清潔隊內上上下下的人都對此嗤之以鼻，長官對這件事的想法是異想天開，基層人原則認為他們怎麼可能會跳舞，更別說主題和他們的工作相關。但編舞者實際參與他們的工作，從清潔一般的家庭垃圾，動物屍體，到節慶後髒亂的街道，她和這群人有了最基本但重要的認識，基層的清潔人員於是願意嘗試她的跳舞構想。

那場表演有清潔人員常用的大卡車，和各式各樣的執行清潔任務的車子，雖然那是個下雨的晚上，但非常多的居民參加。他們看到清潔人員的厲害的方，重新想清潔人員對他們生活的意義，漸漸的，他們對清潔人員的一些看法改變了。後來，清潔人員收垃圾時，他們都會互相打招呼。
在影片最一開始，其中一位基層人員說，我害怕我的孩子對我的工作感到驕傲，只是因為她(還小)覺得我開大車很酷。但我想，他的孩子會逐漸從"很酷"的感覺，也許受社會價值影響演變成"不認同"，但她終會因了解期意義，而感到驕傲。

我喜歡這部紀錄片，因為其呈現一個重要但不被重視的工作，可以透過藝術，被人重新認識和定義，還有，也看到編舞者的行動力，她把所有人認為的不可能，變成可能。

"工作的價值，究竟如何定義?高薪水，少勞力的工作就是比較有價值的工作嗎?"我問自己。為什麼媽媽聽到我想當農夫就不斷的告訴我要回歸現實，又為什麼金錢可以定意這麼多價值?我認為農夫是很重要的工作，他提供了人們最基本的生活需求，而且我還相信，當農夫絕對不是只要付出勞力，如何栽種植物，讓她們對環境友善的同時，也能長的挺拔翠綠; 當農夫也不是不需要生意腦袋，他們要懂得如何行銷這些作物。所有的這些事，背後的最後理念是永續發展。當我想一件事該如何做，我會想先問自己，這會是"永續"的事嗎?

永續發展和食物的關係是我在瑞典體認最深的議題，我看食物的製作過程如何影響氣候變遷，思索著食肉的意義，實際看到一桶一桶的食物被超商倒入垃圾堆，而我和這邊的朋友又如何把這些食物變成一餐請所有願意來的人吃，因為這些刺激，讓我覺得食物和人的關係不只是單純的生理需求，食物的生產影響到環境 ; 想當農夫，還得挑戰社會價值，認為這是不理想的工作; 人們對於食物的價值和丟棄食物時的態度讓我覺得還需要改變。

我還有很多事要學習，很多事要思辨，我的大學教育能帶給我建立這些觀點的基石嗎?這些刺激應該不會只出現在學校裡，很多例子會活生生的出現在生活中。

第二部我想分享的記錄片很沉重，是關於車諾比事件，片名是Metamorphism (變態，((型態改變))老實說接連看了兩場記錄片，一整下午又在斯市賣力騎腳踏車到戲院，我其實覺得內心已經裝不下訊息了，所以有些片段我睡著了。整體的內容是，核能廠發生意外後，很多具輻射的物質被排放到鄰近的河流。但，沒有人告訴當地的居民，他們只知道不能太靠近那條河。輻射的影響，存在於居住在這片土地上的人，並且是世世代代的。影片以黑白的方式呈現，最讓我心理不能負荷的是一開始，一張張居民面孔的特寫，他們看著你，大約有十秒，沒有背景音樂，只有風聲呼呼的響。他什麼都沒說，但他本身，就說盡了所有事，這些瘡疤，存在於人類歷史上，我要學會如何與之共存，為什麼當局者要隱瞞?

影片結束後，一張張的面孔還是出現在我心理，我身後的一位俄羅斯同學，舉手分享她的想法，"我住的地方，離那裡不遠，但我現在才知道這條件事，所以非常謝謝你們有這部紀錄片..."她說。我無法想像那種感覺，我真的無法。她後來在我回過身時對我說，"沒錯，這是其中一個我不想回俄國的原因。"我只覺得更加沉重了，她就是活生生的例子。

我還沒懂得如何和這種瘡疤共存，我只覺得好可怕，但要如何改變，我還沒有頭緒。只是整件事情，突然讓我想到，我還是很幸福的，因為我"可以"回去，就算台灣的政治亂，就算台灣的經濟不好，但我們還有可以居住的環境，這足以讓人懂得珍惜。

我不知道斯德哥爾摩的感覺，因為我只來看電影，但這些電影讓我重新再看看自己，火車票很貴，但是我很高興我有來，這些事值得思考很久。

It was a long day. This was my first time to Stockholm, but I didn't have time to really see the city. Because I stayed in the theater, and watched two long documentaries, and one short documentary. The theme of the movie festival is "Waste."  My friends and I went to dumpster diving in ICA. We collected a lot of banana and  fruits, and made them into desserts, as fika for the film festival. It matches the theme of the festival as well. The organizer welcomed us to do so, because it really showed how much food had been wasted, how perfect it still was, and how delicious desserts it could still be made out of.

This time, tow documentaries stoke my heart the most.
The first one was Trash Dance. Its main idea was that being a trash cleaner, you can be proud and make the work artistic. The film was shouted through a choreographer's standpoint. She participated the work with local trash cleaners, and thinking about having them to perform a dance about their job.
At the beginning, everyone in the trash cleaning team thought it was ridiculous. The officer thought it as an impossible thing, and the trash cleaner didn't believe they can dance, not to say the dance had to be related to their job. But the choreographer joined their work. From cleaning the normal home-trash, dead animal bodies, to the messy and dirty streets after festival celebration. She had a basic, but important, understanding of those people. Those people would like to try her idea of performing a dance.

The big trunks that the trash cleaners used frequently, and a verity of vechicles related to cleaning showed up at the performance. Thought it was a raining night, a lot of local people came. They saw the amazing things these trash cleaners could do, and thought again the meaning of trash cleaners in their lives. Gradually, their perspectives toward these people had changed. After that, when the trash cleaners collect trash for people, they greet each other.

At the start of the documentary, one of the trash cleaners said he was afraid that his child felt proud of her father's job was only because she was little, and she thought driving a trunk was a cool thing. I think, his child maybe would change her view from just being cool to disapprove, influencing by social standard. But, finally, she would be proud after she understands the meaning of it.

I like this documentary, because it revealed how an important but being neglected job can be rethought and redefined by people through art. And the determination the choreographer
 showed. She turned things that were impossible to other into possible.

"How to judge the value of a job? Does a high salary and low labor-work job equal to a much valuable job?" I asked myself. Why my mother kept telling me to be realistic when I said I want to be a farmer? And why money could weight the value? I believe being a farmer is an important job. It provides the basic needs of everybody. And I also believe it doesn't only need labor work to be a farmer. How to cultivate an ecofriendly and greenish vegetable garden at the same time? Being a farmer also doesn't mean you don't  have a business brain, because you have to think how to market these crops. All of these things are within the view of sustainable development. When I think how to do a thing, I want to first ask myself is this a sustainable thing to do?

The connection between food and sustainable development is the issue that influences me the most in Sweden. I saw how the processing of food affect climate change, thought of the meaning of being carnivore, and watched how a bunch of food has been wasted, which my friends and I turned it into a meal, and invited people who were willing to eat to come. Because of these simulations, the meaning of food toward people is not just about fufilling physical need. The processing of food influences environment. The idea of being a farmer is being disputed, which the society see it as a not-ideal job. The value people give food and the attitude people have when throwing food away push me to think that these still have to be changed.

There are lots of things I need to learn and to reflect. Can my education in university provide me the fundamental ability to think this? I think these stimulation will not only occur in school. Instead, lots of the examples are happening in reality.

The second documentary I want to share is quite intense. It is about the accident in Chernobyl, and its name is Metamorphism. To be honest, I felt sleepy after watching two documentaries, and tired o from working really hard to bike from station to theater in Stockholm this afternoon. My brain can not load  more message, so in some clips of the movie, I fell asleep.

 The overall idea of the movie is that after the accident, the radioactive elements were dumped into the river nearby the nuclear power plant. But, no one told the residence there. They only knew they shouldn't get too close to that river. The effect of the radiation exists on the people living on that land, and it will exist through generations. The film was shoted black and white. For me, the most unendurable scenario happened at the very beginning, which the camera had people's face occupied the whole screen.  They looked at you, for about ten minutes. There was no background music, only the sound of wind, echoing "Whoo, whoo." He/She didn't say anything, but he/her self, already said everything needed to say. Why the local authority hid the news?

Their faces still came up to my mind after the film ended. A classmate sat behind me raise her hand and shared her thoughts. "I live not far away from this place, but I didn't know this until now. So thank you very much for having this film..." she said. I can't imagine that feeling. Really, I can't. When I turned back, she told me "You see. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go back to Russia." I felt more depressed. She is a really life example.

I haven't established the way to live with these scars. I scare. But how can I change? I haven't come up with an idea. However, the overall incident makes me think that I am still a blessed person. I "can" go back!  Though the politics in Taiwan is not stable, and the economy is not that idea, we have a place to live. That is enough for people to cherish.

I don't know the atmosphere in Stockholm, since I just came and watched the films. But, these films pushed me to see myself again. The train tickets were expensive, but I was happy I had came. These things are worthy to think.